I’m not a football fan. I don’t know the point difference between a touchdown and a field goal. I’d define a ‘tight end’ as the result I desire when doing lunges, and a ‘split end’ as the reason I get regular trims at the hair salon. Obviously the Super Bowl means little to me. Sure, some of the commercials are funny, but you can catch most of them on the Internet later. So while everyone else hunkers down with their fatty dips and endless chicken wings, I go shopping. At least I used to—before Animal Planet invented the Puppy Bowl.