As Election Day approaches, politics are on everyone’s mind. You cannot turn on the television without seeing ad after ad pitting one candidate’s record, platform and vision against the other – especially if you live in a so-called ‘battleground’ state like I do. This daily experience got me to thinking… would we be better off if we could choose our next president from new political parties – Cats versus Dogs?
Every party needs a platform, a list of actions the politicians within it support or oppose. The Cat Party, without a doubt, would be pro nap, because we all know cats that sleep as much as 20 hours in a given day. They would also be pro scritches, but only on request. They are definitely anti-unsolicited affection. Equal rights to tuna would be high on their list of campaign promises, along with the legalization of catnip. They’d pledge to end claw clipping, baths and trips to the veterinarian for all who elect them to office.
The Dog Party’s platform would be decidedly different. Our canine companions are pro-belly rub, back rub and any other kind of rub, unsolicited or not. They are also pro dead things. This does not mean they are pro death, only that they favor the opportunity to roll around in something that has met an unfortunate end. They are anti-bath after this rolling. A bone in every bowl might be their campaign slogan, but they are anti-mailman, anti-thunderstorm and anti-hot car.
The issues plaguing this year’s political election would be off the table if we were voting for a dog or a cat. They just don’t care about taxes (cuts or increases), birth control, marriage equality (or inequality), our dependence on foreign oil, or the economy (unless it disrupts the tuna and bone supply). It would be a much simpler choice – based on what brings you happiness in life (i.e. catnip or dead things).
I, for one, would welcome the change. How about you?
Join the fun and tell us what YOUR pet would have on its platform!