I had a strange dream the other night. In this dream, the President of the United States was a cat. In fact, it was Socks, the Clinton’s former cat. President Socks was on television, giving the annual State of the Union address. Only instead of talking about our crumbling economy, healthcare woes, and the real estate debacle, he was meowing about growing stronger catnip, mandatory naps and sunbeam access for everyone. It was actually a pretty good dream, except for the part where I realized that I wasn’t wearing pants and had forgotten to study for a chemistry test.
This dream got me to thinking, what would the world be like if cats were in charge? It might be pretty cool. Here are a few things I would envision happening if cats ruled the world:
All business would be conducted between the hours of 1 a.m. and 5 a.m.
Glassware would become obsolete, as we would all drink straight from the tap.
All blinds and curtains would remain open to maximize sunbeams.
The owning of vacuum cleaners would be illegal.
Tuna would be the only item on every restaurant menu, and served all day long.
Toothpaste would be tuna flavored.
Laundry would never be folded or put away, remaining instead in big warm piles.
Lawn mowing would be abolished to enhance stalking opportunities.
Every home would have a snack dispenser (aka bird feeder)… or three.
Spiders and other bugs would be allowed inside so we could wham on them for a while.
Bathroom tissue would be available pre-shredded, shredded or confetti.
An entire career would be made of retrieving items from under the sofa (or the refrigerator).
It would be perfectly acceptable to hiss or growl in order to get your way.
It would be inadvisable to build sandcastles.
We’d have Thanksgiving (and Thanksgiving Turkey), at least 365 times a year.
All interior doors would be left open at all times.
What would you envision the world to be like if cats were truly in charge? Share your thoughts in the comments below!